Entry #19 – On Handling Criticism

Date: Sunday June 26th, 2016
Time: 18:45:19

FancyLineDivider

Dear Sir,

First off, thank you for reading my blog! I’m glad you got all that negativity off your chest. I can’t imagine how long you were holding that in. Hope your doing better! 🙂 Now, you’re entitled to your opinion but I can’t say I agree. Fortunately, I won’t have to work very hard show you otherwise. Since I began writing about a month ago, my life has become MUCH clearer. Not only have I learned a lot about myself, but have also helped numerous others shift their perspectives for the better. Please don’t take my word for it. Check out the testimonials and guestbook! I will let the world speak for me.

Failure and sufferance ARE my badges of honor. Together, they have made me who I am. I couldn’t be any prouder they chose me to wield them.

Failure is one of the wisest of teachers. Many have entered his presence enthused and left as broken souls. Only the intrepid have the creativity and determination to pass his tests. Such disciples are scarce in number, so he does embrace us as we reveal ourselves. Under his guidance I have thrived. What is it he teaches? Patience.

Sufferance is a true sage; he has no need for tests. He is cruel. He is merciless. Yet he is masterful. The lionhearted approach him unable to steady their mind. We leave him absolutely fearless. What secret does this sage hold? It is no secret at all, yet it means nothing if not gained from his lessons. He teaches perspective.

It is these lessons that failure and sufferance have implanted in my mind. It is these lessons, among many others, that I wish to share with you and the world. You say I’m scared? You may be right yet I persist. You say my actions do not inspire? I say that’s for the world to decide. You say my life is stagnant? I can do naught else but laugh.

I am not perfect nor do I hope to be. That would be a tedious life indeed. Am I flawed? Of course, for I am human. I defend myself when threatened. I rest when tired. I benefit where I can. I glare at fools. I judge the selfish.

My family and friends love me. In fact, the only thing they had to tolerate was your letter. And we mustn’t forget my jokes! I regret to comment my ego IS planet sized… you got me there. But alas, I stand a human. ^.^ What have I accomplished? I have listened to countless stories and brought smiles to the faces of friends. That will have to do. 🙂

I’ll end this letter by saying that you and those like you are free to think of me as you will. It does not matter if you think me a fool as long as my actions honor God and the people I respect. I’m a real leader because I chose to be and nothing can make me turn my back on people, least of all you.

Anyway, thanks for your letter! I had a blast reading it and still can’t help but chuckle at your “10 foot tree” quip. You have my gratitude for making me smile. 😀

Best wishes,
Pulkit

FancyLineDivider - Opposite


Let’s have a short discussion on criticism. It is defined1 below.

Criticize
indicate the faults of (someone or something) in a disapproving way
Criticism
the expression of disapproval of someone or something based on perceived faults or mistakes

If you read the definitions carefully, you might have noticed that nowhere in either definition does it state a goal. This is extremely important to understand. Criticism has no goal. It does not help someone improve. It is purely negative, simply pointing out why someone is wrong. Criticism offers no solution. It will not help in any situation.

I didn’t learn this distinction until very recently, unfortunately from experience. I used to be so conditioned to criticism that it didn’t bother me, and it wasn’t from the people around me. I am my harshest critic BY FAR. I wrote the letter in the previous entry to myself, and to be honest it’s mild compared to how I used to talk to myself sometimes. It was a little tough because I had to change my voice so it wouldn’t be obvious. The letter didn’t bother me at all. In fact, I think it might have bothered or even offended2 many of you more than it did me.

Truthfully, I really enjoyed writing it. Why? Because I know it’s all bullshit. I have physical proof to counter every single negative in that letter. At this point, I do know how awesome I am. I have suffered to get here. However, I’d say it was completely worth it. It made me strong. There is NOTHING negative anyone could say to me that I haven’t already said to myself, and that I have handled. If I really were to receive a letter like that from someone, it wouldn’t bother me at all because I’ve dealt with much worse from myself.

Lesson: Once you can handle yourself, you can handle any critic.

The point of that letter was not to evoke sympathy from you. It’s to point out that there are many people that have a great deal of negativity in their life, whether by choice or not. I want you to understand that if you do criticize someone or even yourself with the intent “of helping,” your approach is ineffective at best.

Criticism is an inherently negative word. I no longer even use the phrase “constructive criticism”. I don’t believe in it. Let’s replace criticism with a more positive word, feedback.

Feedback
information about reactions to a product, a person’s performance of a task, etc., used as a basis for improvement

Much better. Now the intent for improvement is part of the definition. Also notice how there is nothing about faults, mistakes, disapproval, etc. If you want to help someone improve, give them feedback. How can you differentiate between criticism and feedback? Before you say something to “help” someone, think about how you would react to it. Would it put you in a defensive position? If yes, it’s a criticism. Figure it out a different way to say it. Take out the disapproval and make it feedback.

Now this is something I need to work on as well, but I’m aware of the problem and I have been working hard to implement these changes. For example in my letter above, I’m positive that I didn’t criticize the person even once. Feel free to comment if you see otherwise! And if you feel this lesson applies to you, join me in doing the same!


An Act of Kindness

I’ll end with a small act of kindness from yesterday. I was at a business meeting in a hotel from around 9AM until 5PM. During the lunch break, someone went out of his way to take my plate after I was done eating, after he had already gone to put his plate away. It was the strangest thing because I’m not used to that much kindness from strangers. Unlike in entry #11, I did get his name and we had a nice conversation. Positivity really catches up with you in the best ways!

To awkward endings,
Pulkit

“Any fool can criticize, condemn, and complain, but it takes character and self control to be understanding and forgiving.”
— Dale Carnegie

Warriors – Imagine Dragons


  1. All definitions provided by Google. 
  2. I am truly sorry if the letter in Entry #18 offended you. :( 
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16 thoughts on “Entry #19 – On Handling Criticism

  1. We must all endure suffering. No one gets through life without paying his toll. But it is the wise man who learns a lesson like perspective from the pain of suffering. Most people I know rail about the suffering in the world – It’s not fair – What kind of a God allows such suffering – and they mask their own suffering through pleasure seeking of some sort. You are learning valuable lessons at a young age. Also, here’s another word for you: Critique. It means constructive criticism. Feedback. It was a regular part of my art school experience and I learned not only to appreciate it but to desire it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I don’t know why critique never came to my mind haha. Actually haven’t seen that word anywhere in a very long time. Like it much better than constructive criticism. Thanks for your insight!

      Like

  2. Love how you pointed out the criticism has no goal. I have been struggling with how to address a person in my life who is overly critical This gives me a great starting point for discussion. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hello my fellow beginner blogger! I have been away for a few days because I am trying to recontruct my blog website to fit me. I am still learning to work my customizing skills! I would like to say that I really like how you write and how you think. This #19 is amazing and you stood up for yourself gracefully. You said it well. Carry on and I again…look forward to your future posts.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. As luck would have it, the first blog I stumbled onto here was #18… Horrors! I wondered, what kind of writer is this that attracts SUCH a hater? I searched #19 frantically…
    What an eloquent response. I am so glad that you didn’t take any of those awful words to heart. I’m sure they might have hurt, but you didn’t TAKE it to heart, you know?

    You’ve got to keep writing. We as humans need to feel like we’re not alone, and even if your words resonate with a handful of people across the world, that’s a handful of people you’ve helped get through today. Keep shining light.

    And I love that you integrate music into your blogs. 🙂 That won me over mostly.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Ah I didn’t catch on that detail… We are our own worst critics, aren’t we?

        Self doubt is every artist’s worst enemy. I often stop before I start because of it.

        I will check out entry 14 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      1. You liked a comment that I left on MakeItUltra, and I received an email notification about you, along with a list of your blog posts that WordPress recommended for me. A stroke of luck, really! 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey there! I actually wondered whether the letter was to yourself whilst reading it. Then I dismissed the idea as ridiculous, in part because you referred me to it, after I commented on another blog about my inner critic, and also because I could see myself thinking such things at times of myself…more of my past self…until I began the daily practice of the art of kindness on myself. This post speaks to me in it’s entirety, in many ways. Thanks for the “mirror” that it held up to me today. In Gratitude. Blessed be ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I’m a little late to the party, but you referred to this entry and its predecessor on a comment on my blog, so I had to swing by.

    I dig it! Like it seems many others did, you got me at first…I had no idea you were writing yourself, but once you made that reveal, it did hit me why you gave a mention to this. The “email” from entry #18 is the sort of toxic self-talk I still indulge in all too often, so you can bet I’m going to ensure I have your post nearby anytime I catch myself!

    Liked by 1 person

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